Matt Drudge caught masturbating to his own website!
Oct 27th, 2008 by slander08
"I keep a hat where my brain should go."
He’s become one of the most influential figures in the modern news media, and he can’t keep that excitement in his pants.
Despite limitless options for online pornographic content, earlier today paparazzi snapped photos of an ecstatic Matt Drudge as he pleasured himself moments after posting the headline “2001 OBAMA: TRAGEDY THAT ‘REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH’ NOT PURSUED BY SUPREME COURT” on his eponymous website, Drudge Report.
“It was disgusting,” said one photographer who refused to be identified. “His eyes… They were just locked in on that headline. He kept glancing down at his own name. It was horrible. He’s a horrible, horrible man.”
Forced to respond to the photographs, Drudge made this public statement. “I am disgusted that this story has been broken by the outdated and emasculated traditional news media. Frankly, I got excited. I’d never seen so much large font, so much capitalization, so much bold. The giant black underlining professing its linkage to a homemade anti-Obama YouTube video with typographical errors and a suspect agenda. It was orgasmic. It was one of my finest works.”
It has since been discovered that MATT DRUDGE IS A FUCKING CUNT. We’ve capitalized, bolded and linked it to a website other than our own, therefore making it true.
