Slander ‘08

With only a month to go in the election, each candidate is hoping for a “game changer” — that one moment in the campaign that finally turns the election decisively in their favor.  For the final 31 days, we will introduce a daily game changer that we believe voters should take into account before voting.

By 2012, these organizations will have contributed to more deaths than the Nazis and colon cancer combined.

Trying to prepare yourself to go out and vote on Tuesday?  You might face one more unforeseen obstacle…

As pre-election coverage ramps up in the weekend before Election Day, many voters may find themselves driven into a frenzy, overcome by the 24 hour news networks, and deciding that their best option isn’t to vote for a presidential candidate, but to blow their fucking brains out.

“This election, more so than elections previously, has increased the prevalence of Electoral Suicide Syndrome,” says Columbia University professor Don Satari.  “Studies show that media intensity has grown exponentially since 2004, and the media is the number one cause of first-degree ape-shittery, which is a major precursor to ESS syndrome.”

In laymens terms, the media might drive you to put a shotgun in your mouth.  And well it should.