Keep checking back!  Election ‘08 is over, but Slander ‘08 will continue to be a top site for slanderous comedy of all types: political and otherwise.  Look for a name change and new details soon, but www.slander08.com will remain.

…and it is over.  Once the West Coast polls close at 11pm, every news network and their mother is going to be calling this for Obama… something I did weeks ago!

We had a good run and I appreciate the support of all of our regular readers and the thousands upon thousands of people who have checked this site over the past couple months.

Keep your eyes to Slander ‘08, as we will have some new slander up our sleeve moving forward.  It’s not the end; it’s actually just beginning…

STORY DEVELOPING…

Like our inevitable deaths, Election Day is finally here.  I’m as giddy as a school boy, because much like a school boy, I… uh… can’t vote.  I screwed up my absentee ballot.  If anyone wants to go to my polling place on 17th St. in Philadelphia and place a vote for Bob Barr, be my guest.

Yes, start booing at me.  I don’t care.

With only a month to go in the election, each candidate is hoping for a “game changer” — that one moment in the campaign that finally turns the election decisively in their favor.  For the final 31 days, we will introduce a daily game changer that we believe voters should take into account before voting.

A picture is worth 3 words.

When I began this site way back on September 3rd, I pledged that “This site is intended to show no political bias” and that I would never endorse any candidate.

I can’t do it anymore.  I just can’t.  If John McCain wins this election, the entire country is basically flushed down the toilet.  I hate John McCain and I can’t pretend to be unbiased anymore.

John McCain sucks.

It’s time to take a stand, people.  I still don’t care who you vote for, but let’s stop pretending to be unbiased.  Let’s stop acting the way we think others want us to think and act.  McCain, just admit to the us you want to start World War III as an outlet for the psychological damage that being totured as a POW caused you.  Just be honest.

I think we can all respect that.

With only a month to go in the election, each candidate is hoping for a “game changer” — that one moment in the campaign that finally turns the election decisively in their favor.  For the final 31 days, we will introduce a daily game changer that we believe voters should take into account before voting.

By 2012, these organizations will have contributed to more deaths than the Nazis and colon cancer combined.

Trying to prepare yourself to go out and vote on Tuesday?  You might face one more unforeseen obstacle…

As pre-election coverage ramps up in the weekend before Election Day, many voters may find themselves driven into a frenzy, overcome by the 24 hour news networks, and deciding that their best option isn’t to vote for a presidential candidate, but to blow their fucking brains out.

“This election, more so than elections previously, has increased the prevalence of Electoral Suicide Syndrome,” says Columbia University professor Don Satari.  “Studies show that media intensity has grown exponentially since 2004, and the media is the number one cause of first-degree ape-shittery, which is a major precursor to ESS syndrome.”

In laymens terms, the media might drive you to put a shotgun in your mouth.  And well it should.

With only a month to go in the election, each candidate is hoping for a “game changer” — that one moment in the campaign that finally turns the election decisively in their favor.  For the final 31 days, we will introduce a daily game changer that we believe voters should take into account before voting.

This guy is a genius. You are an idiot.

Love him or hate him, Karl Marx is far smarter than you’ll ever be.

You can hate socialism or hate communism.  You can hate Obama and call him a Marxist.  Problem is, every educated person in the world has to read Karl Marx, but no one has watched your dumb YouTube videos.

Dude wrote like a ton of important shit and you write a blog on why Chuck Norris would make a kickass ninja.

Seriously, if someone compared you to Karl Marx, you’d have no choice but to take it as a compliment, ’cause quite frankly you lack any intellectual prowess even mildy resembling that of Marx.

Sorry, dude.

This is better than a FOX News poll? I don't get it.

Trying to follow presidential polls to determine whether Americans favor Democrat Barack Obama or Republican John McCain and by how much can be confusing, so much so that a public outcry has emerged over the accuracy of polls and the methods and credentials of those who are polling.  In an effort to resolve this issue, the United States Federal Government has stepped in.

“It has come to our attention that poll results vary greatly and can be hard to interpret,” said a government representative.  “The U.S. Government has decided to end any confusion.  This coming Tuesday, we will be conducting our own poll nationwide.  People will have the opportunity to report to a polling booth located in thousands of locations throughout the entire country and state which candidate they prefer.  We’ve decided to call this poll a ‘general election’ and it will once and for all determine who will be the next President of the United States.”

The general election poll has a margin of error of +/- 2% and may be overturned by the electoral college if federal procedure dictates as such.

With only a month to go in the election, each candidate is hoping for a “game changer” — that one moment in the campaign that finally turns the election decisively in their favor.  For the final 31 days, we will introduce a daily game changer that we believe voters should take into account before voting.

You think this kid votes? Fuck no!

Voting sucks.  You want to vote for Barack Whosiswhats or John McBoner?  That’s totally stupid.  The president doesn’t care about me and I don’t care about the stupid president.

Voting is what the gays do so they can marry each other and be totally faggy.  The only thing worth voting for is the high school superlative for biggest badass …and maybe American Idol if there is some totally kick-ass rocker like Daughtry still left in the competish.

Maybe some day they’ll let us vote on why elections are so stupid.  Lame.

"I keep a hat where my brain should go."

He’s become one of the most influential figures in the modern news media, and he can’t keep that excitement in his pants.

Despite limitless options for online pornographic content, earlier today paparazzi snapped photos of an ecstatic Matt Drudge as he pleasured himself moments after posting the headline “2001 OBAMA: TRAGEDY THAT ‘REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH’ NOT PURSUED BY SUPREME COURT” on his eponymous website, Drudge Report.

“It was disgusting,” said one photographer who refused to be identified.  “His eyes… They were just locked in on that headline.  He kept glancing down at his own name.  It was horrible.  He’s a horrible, horrible man.”

Forced to respond to the photographs, Drudge made this public statement.  “I am disgusted that this story has been broken by the outdated and emasculated traditional news media.  Frankly, I got excited.  I’d never seen so much large font, so much capitalization, so much bold.  The giant black underlining professing its linkage to a homemade anti-Obama YouTube video with typographical errors and a suspect agenda.  It was orgasmic.  It was one of my finest works.”

It has since been discovered that MATT DRUDGE IS A FUCKING CUNT.  We’ve capitalized, bolded and linked it to a website other than our own, therefore making it true.

With only a month to go in the election, each candidate is hoping for a “game changer” — that one moment in the campaign that finally turns the election decisively in their favor.  For the final 31 days, we will introduce a daily game changer that we believe voters should take into account before voting.

Obama's top economic adviser.

More details continue to emerge about Barack Obama’s socialist agenda, but the greatest bombshell has yet be be dropped… until right now.

In a top secret memo acquired by Slander ‘08, it has been uncovered that Obama wants to get rid of capitalism all together by launching all of the United States’ cash and precious metal reserves into outer space.

The document, hand-scrawled on lined paper ripped out of a notebook and dated July 5th, 1979, a period during which Obama later admitted he was experimenting with magic mushrooms, reads in its entirety:

“The root of inequality -> money.  No money = equality.  Blast all cash into space??  Remember: Buy house on moon.  Good investment!!”

Speculation is running rampant on just how Sen. Obama plans to get a loan for his moon house in this post-credit crunch climate.